The Biggest Fear of Working Men

Losing hair? nope, you can be unemployment and lose that one...not getting promoted? not really, is equal for men and women...BUT be near a pregnant woman that looks is about to pop up? hell yeah!

Yesterday on my Pacific meeting...remember my Korea stuff? well it was finally time to meet with John and the Pac folks. I was eating my old timers Sweet Tarts (and I will continue on that story later because you are surprise I like something called a candy) and suddenly one fell off to the floor. I just said "ayyyyy" and John almost had a heart attack. It was REALLY funny! He keeps being all freaky about me being pregnant, I guess because or he doesn't know who is the father, or how I even got pregnant ....not entirely sure what he can be thinking. Not that I care, but I wonder what...just out of curiousity.

Anyway, after that episode I was telling that to Brad this morning and he said, believe it or not that's a big fear for guys...because unless you have read or have kids already, you have NO clue what to do. And I guess is true. See, movies are a big problem...first of all they are for a 2 hours span, labor is not. So you see a movie people rushing to the hospital and in the next 10 minutes of the movie there is the baby. In reality you may or may not break water as easy as it looks in books or documentaries or movies, etc etc...you may have contractions and they may last for a long...long...hours. But in any case I guess I should have a "Labor Plan" at work since I am surrounded by men. My boss, my director and my co workers next door ALL are men. Not that I have no confidence in their capability to deal with situations like this...but I guess would be wise for me to put them on hook what to do or what are my wishes in "case" Labor Painful Day kicks in.

I am in better mood than yesterday, oh the Sweet Tarts. The other Brad asked me "do you like Sweet Tarts?"...I guess he didn't know. But I have been a fan of Sweet Tarts since school times. See, in Panama sweet tarts first came in commisaries in the old Panama Canal Zone. If you had a friend of a friend of a friend that a friend of an uncle worked in there...you could get sweet tarts at school and you were like an idol, because obviously you get that "from the United States", like big thing but you know when you are a kid I guess you get impressed by a lot of bullshit. Anyway, after Sweet Tarts made their way into Panamanian stores I used to buy the big tablets and especially the purple one was my favorite. I could be delighted by that for hours. Now, I am a big fan again...and a co worker have those in his drawer and has been really kind to let me take them for free! So I am back on my sweet tart habits. For me, they are not sweet so I liked them. But yet, I am not a fan of cake or sweets and I still remain as one of the strange creatures that don't like chocolate.

Okay time to go back to work...when is 5?

Who is Maritza Taylor and other things that are really making my day miserable!

Well yes, I want to know who is this another "Maritza" who is getting my registry a big complication. Not to pardon the eternal stupidities from Babies R Us. See? Babies R Us system DOES NOT UPDATE SIMULTANEOUSLY when you do a change in your registry, hence whatever change you do...is not worth until 24 hours later; even by "view" it shows the incorrect info.

I just wonder who dares to carry my same name and last name, really? I don't recall even there was another Maritza Taylor that I knew of in Panama! now I moved all the way, miles up north, a lot of miles, and arrived in this city and bam! the day I did my registry, people tell me that there is ANOTHER Maritza Taylor. Really? until now? I even don't know this person and I don't like her. She has some kind of association with Babies R Us too because both sucks!

Today is not a good day for me, emotionally not even physically. I feel exhausted and my stomach doesn't feel well either. Just not good at all. I just want to be in bed crying at loud of how miserable I feel today. Does that help? no, but makes me feel good to feel pitty of myself time to time. I am fucking tired to feel that I should be strong as I have been. I feel like a whimp. I don't blame hormones but myself of this situation although everybody tells me is because "I'm pregnant".

We started moving yesterday and what we found is that we have fans but not lights on the fans, really? how cheap in fees you must be to not include lights but fans...or viceversa? Just stupid ridiculous shit. I guess apartments complex realized that now they can anyway get their rent up without some fixtures (that you WILL need) but still pay it and you will get the extra expense. In all sense, I guess we should have look further for more apartments, but where, when?? Times up and the best decision has to be made with the information given. Whatever I just feel really annoyed. Funny of all, if you have a pet...the pet pays rent! can you check that out? Have you seen that before? A monthly rent of $15 bucks for a four leg. I perhaps shouldn't laugh. Airlines are charging fees for whatever these days right? and fees are a big revenue...so I guess other businesses are relying on those "other fees" to generate more revenue. At the end, the course of a business is to keep generating revenue and that can't be done with the sole and stall based of your main business. You always have to keep looking for ways to increase that revenue.

But is not only that, that bothers me, the lack of lights on the fan, is that I realized we are downsizing. I didn't realize that when Brad and I moved in together we didn't get rid off anything, we just combine and put together everything...two drainers, two set of spices, and more spices, two set of knives, eight pillows (seriously the quantity of pillows we have is ridiculous), cups...don't get me started on that one...really? Okay I have to recognized that when I was moving from my condo to my first apartment I had wine cups AND I went to Marshalls and got crazy on buying kitchen stuff. I bought not only more wine cups, I bought wine glasses and more cups. So we actually, if we paid the liquor license to the city of Atlanta, we could open a bar. Then there are the pint glasses...we can go two weeks before even need more glasses really? how come? what happened in here? Then I noticed WHERE are we going to put all the guitar cases, the keyboard, omg the skis!!! where are we going to put that!!! We are losing tons of storage and that is bugging me big time. Keep in mind that the move from where we at is NOT bugging me really. I mean I never really really liked the entire place...not sure why. Perhaps the bums near by annoyed me even they never bothered me directly. But I don't know. It never felt like home and the entire mess the maangement did with us was just to put them in court. Even the place was HUGE for what we were paying for. I mean...it was a house size apartment of 2b/2b...and now we are getting down, losing some 200+-q ft  big change...not necesarily the prices got downsize though. It really doesn't bother me that part much but is the entire thinking of WHAT TO DO? Then it come the part that stress me the most...we have no crib, I have to do the laundry stuff of the baby, no car seat...we are waiting for baby showers to kick in and people asking me stuff and hence the first part of my blog come back again! it's all messed up.

I told Brad that I needed to decorate the place just to fulfilled the need that I will be fine later on, that Monster will have his/her first place nicely and s/he will fill safe in there but then after I keep telling myself all that, I noticed I didn't measure the window and got the wrong rods for the curtains. Then I realized that if you want to decorate you are going to spend...if you want that a place feel home is more than wine cups to put on. I feel suddenly lost and overwhelmed.

I can't concetrate in what I suppose to discussed about Korea today with the folks in Pacific...the market just sucks. And in the other side of my head I am just thinking well Korea sucks but I need to go to Home Depot to get the right curtain rods and then go back to the new apartment and when we are going to cook dinner for next day? I hate to be expending so much money when Monster is coming...I never have been panic on money matters though (okay I retract that one), we have been incredible good on it and that's one of the top things I love about Brad. I mean we are both debt free, we have paid our school, I neeeded some school loan at the beginning and I paid it off. How cool is that? I should be happy and proud (part thanks to my parents who helped me too). I just feel that perhaps am I not ready for this? After all the time I keep telling myself that I am tough and a lot of women are whimps I am just going to sucumb (not sure if that's a word and I am too lazy to lookup) but meant if I am going to just put myself down because all this????...well yes! I feel horrible. I feel idiotically bother about what's going on. I don't suppose to be moving! I suppose to be like all girly and freakin' pregnant redoing over and over my registry! Isnt' what most pregnant women do?

But the reality is that no, I won't have an apartment readily today not tomorrow. Rome wasn't built in a day my mother keep telling me. "You always wanted to do everything but like now now not waiting that things need practice" I never understood what she kept saying that, in other words I have no patience for waiting for things to happen. In someway is true. For me after 3 months of pregnancy I have to say heck let's move things fast forward and get the baby out, simple as that. Short span adventures have been my life...and it keep me bugging me that things always takes way more time than that.

I used to think that receiving the bills of doctors appointment, ultrasound and all the labs you have to take bothers me...I mean...gosh the PRE-having a child is like annoyed. I am tired to pay shit. I am tired to go to the doctor and people put stuff on my belly. I know I should be happy and all but today I feel like worse than the Grinch. I don't want that anybody tells me what other shit is happening on the registry that they can't find me. I dont want to know. Do I need to know that? no, I don't want to. I can't do anything to fix stupid aka BRU (Babies R Us).

Everybody has been quite supportive, so I am thankful of it but I just feel really down today. So I won't be smiling for awhile okay?

32 Weeks and counting...

Things are going fine...although today in particular I feel with mix emotions.
I woke up very excited because I was going to see Lil M in the big screen...is getting big the doctor said, now weights 5.5 lbs...uhmm kind of high and is now up 3.5 weeks ahead...I don't get much of these measurements but heck as long as is healthy I won't be concern. I know it will come out some way or the other. The pic is not that great because s/he was moving a LOT and it has been moving quite a lot. The kicks has been converted into massive movements from one side to the other. Still in position, head down and the knees and feet time to time sneak out like an alien out of my belly...that part is FREAKY!!



So after today's appointment we went upstairs to the Piedmont Hospital library and got some childbirth, labor and other maternity/first born dvd's and extra advices from the librarian.

Then the mood of my day change, I got to work and suddenly a horrible back pain got me. I have never experienced such a horrible pain in my lower back. Unbearable...but got distracted too by other things at work...which I told myself I am not going to get on discussions on it but I feel really not even annoying but offended? I am not sure what's the word for the feeling...disappointment perhaps? I am not sure but I just felt uncomfortable for the rest of the day. It is like you know how good you are or can be, and suddenly you feel dumb or just frustrated that the opportunity to shine slip from your hands. In any case the rest of the evening didn't get any better mood after that.

Then got the news that a friend of ours their baby-in-utero is having issues...I didn't know they were expecting (their third child) but to hear news about how exasperating to know for the health of something that you can't touch or do much about it has to be one of the most disheartening feelings ever. I hope they get better news after next week and I guess that's the sad part...you have to wait for news.

I don't know I feel kind of overwhelmed too. We shouldn't be moving or planning to move at this stage but we are going to. New place, new home...hopefully this time, we can call it home. And this time I am going to decorated it or so I keep that in my head, like a dream what I want to do...we are going to get help so I feel good about it. Baby showers are coming too...so I should be smiling right? But in any case...I feel upset today.

Good night.

31 weeks

A friend from work, Ashley, asked me if I wanted to get some maternity pics during New Years Eve for her photography catalog and I said why not? Although I am still trying to get a date set to meet with Heather for another set of pics. The days have been busy for us...a lot of changing coming up and change of address again. Not fun, BUT is all for good and I will feel better to give a more safer place to our Lil M.

I hate Savannah at Midtown aka Equity Apartments

I really do. This place sucks, the worse management I have seen in a long time.

Not to say that airlines customer service, annoying flight attendants attitude and idiots around the world in general can make your life pitiful, BUT when is about the place you live...I have a big fucking problem with that.

I am fucking tired of these idiots can't resolve simple things that high schooler diplomas can and there is no need of major MBA skills to figure out.

I am not sure even in what language speak to these idiots. Or how to make them understand that no, is not normal to have puddles of waters in your window sill JUST because is freakin' cold outside.

I do not believe that people "later" on will pay for their sins or their bad behaviors. I strongly believe in death penalty. I strongly believe that idiocity and stupidity should be penalized more than a DUI, why? because that is forever. You can't change people who are stupid by default, how? teach them? with what? no. They should pay a high penalty. In this case I think the company who runs this building should be out of business and pay every single tenant the equivalent of one year of rent for dealing with their stupidity.

I remembered last year, I told the idiots at Chrysler in Peachtree Industrial that I hope they got out of business because after FOUR times to get my car there for the air bag light they couldn't figure it out WHY was happening and their final assestment was to say that "perhaps" my car was involved in an accident without me knowing. Really idiots? really? what happened...Chrysler announced bunch of their dealers to closed, they were one of them.

I can see why some tenants just destroy places, I feel to get a steel bat and just open holes all over and just take my stuff and leave. No child should be born in this place. My room is freakin' cold, they don't repair anything right...no no...they don't repair anything! they just cause me a headache and a bad sleep.

I have nothing good to say about these people...Equity Apartments simply sucks and they all should just quit.